An Unexpected Change of Scenery

Ok so keeping with my theme of not hiding the difficult parts of a mission, and also because those who have served missions will understand pieces of what's going on and realize that something happened, I will just come out and keep everyone posted instead of letting you all jump to your own conclusions which are probably worse than what is actually happening.

So as many of you, (probably anyone that has ever spoken to me actually) know I struggle a little bit with anxiety. Loud noises, and anything unexpected have the tendency to really startle me. This anxiety is occasionally accompanied with a mild panic attack. Knowing that the stress of a mission could very well escalate this problem I went to see a doctor about regulating it, and she prescribed me a very very mild anti anxiety pill which I have been religiously taking for a few months now. Under normal circumstances this would have been more than enough to correct the problem, however, every now and again this type of medication can have an opposite effect. Apparently my body has an opposite reaction to pills that are supposed to be mood regulators. For example when I had my wisdom teeth removed and I was given laughing gas, instead of becoming giggly and care free I started to sob uncontrollably So the pill that I was taking to prevent panic attacks was causing panic attacks more severe than I ever have had before. This week I had one that was particularly bad, so my companion called the president and he made the decision to transfer me. So I got on a plane and went to Rome.

When I arrived in Rome I had an hour appointment with the mission doctor, who caught the problem, addressed it (I am going half dose this week, and then coming completely off next) and cleared me to go back to Siracusa, BUT through this experience president had spent a lot of time praying about where I should be, if I should be sent home, or transferred to a state side mission, or to a different part of Italy, and at first the only strong revelation he received was that my purpose was fulfilled in Siracusa and I was not to go back. So after to being cleared to return to Siracusa, president told me that he wasn't sure where to put me, just that it wasn't in Siracusa. So I spent the next day with a companionship in Rome 1. President eventually decided that I would be staying in Rome serving with Sorella Fossa who is from Milano. So here I am sitting at an internet point in the middle of Rome, and the last place on earth (well in Italy) that I expected to be.

It has been a really difficult situation. I cried more leaving Sicilia, than I did leaving America, but I can see now why this is where I am supposed to be. There were about 4 variables that led to me having these panic attacks, and if just one variable had been different I wouldn't have struggled with this at all, but they did and here I am. Also I already have a love for Rome and as much as I love Siracusa I can't imagine leaving here. I know this is where the Lord wants me to be. I can feel it. I wish that he had done it the more orthodox way through transfers, but maybe I, or someone else who was affected through this had something they needed to learn.

In fun happy news, one cool thing about leaving your "birth city" is that people stop looking at you as a greenie. Instead of going up to my companion to talk or fix appointments, because they assume I can't speak they come up to me! I even translated yesterday! It was rough. I finally decided that if I wasn't saying anything doctrinally incorrect, and that I was following the basic topic of the lesson, that I would make stuff up. There is a senior sister missionary in our ward who has agreed to let me practice on her until I get better.

So in summary there was a little bit of craziness this week but I am doing well and getting better.

Con amore,

Sorella Madyline Spencer

I found a picture of her on the mission blog. It isn't much, but I was happy to see her! (She is the blond to the right of the picture of the Savior.)

I just received another picture from an awesome mission mom! You know who you are. Thanks again for always coming through for me.

"Missionary work is hard and sometimes it breaks your heart"

Well this week was transfers which was absolute madness, and we didn't get as much work done as I would have liked. As much as I love scambios (I think those are called exchanges in English) and zone conferences, and district meetings, sometimes I wish we could spend less time doing them and more time just really getting into the work, but this is the Lord's errand and not mine so I will continue to do it His way. Which is probably for the best because, my companion just got called as sister training leader which means I am probably going to be spending a lot of time out of Siracusa this transfer so that she can do scambio's with other sisters in the zone, which will mean a lot of bus rides, which is fine because I definitely have not thrown up on a bus in the last month.... {she didn't share that 'throw up' story for the blog, but it wasn't one of her better days}.
Besides the chaos of transfers this week has been spectacular. English course has grown into something we can no longer control, and we may have to start teaching 3 or even 4 classes a week. While that may seem like its detracting from the work, our last two baptisms have come from English course, and all but one of the investigators being taught now are from English course. English course is a golden, golden finding idea. Speaking of which there are not doors in Italy, only apartment buildings that you have to be buzzed into so the tried and true method of door to door finding is non existent for us, so if anyone has any really great finding ideas from their missions I would love to hear about them. Ok back to English course. We just got a new sister fresh from the MTC, so I have left my comfort zone of my 100 percent in English advanced course and I am now teaching basic. While I'm sad and a little bit intimidated to leave my class, I think it's right. I feel that I have offered them everything I can (in a spiritual sense), and that I have nothing else to help them progress. I hope that Sister Price can give them what I cannot, and that's the reason that we do transfers because sometimes the Lord gives his children a missionary that can spark their faith and plant a seed, and a completely different missionary to harvest it.
We are still teaching Angelo, our plant stand man, and for the most part he is really receptive. We read Moroni 10 3-5 together and he absolutely loved it, but it kind of backfired and he now thinks that his heart is not sincere enough for him to pray. If anyone has suggestions on how to resolve that, please tell me, because I am at a loss.
I know that I usually keep these emails fairly light but I read a talk this week that made me think that maybe by doing that I am cheating my family, friends, and myself, so this week I learned for about the 100th time, that missionary work is hard and sometimes it breaks your heart. I have an English course student who is always very very responsive, and shares beautiful insights during the spiritual thought, and is reading the Book of Mormon. This week I asked her if she would like to learn more about the gospel, and as we were talking, my companion and I ended up giving her a kind of impromptu lesson, and during this lesson she revealed that she does not believe in religion. She believes that it is something man invented to give them comfort, and a sense of moral direction, but there is no truth behind it at all, and then she backed it up with some very logical reasoning. Reasoning that I had never heard before, and by the time I got home, my faith was thoroughly shaken, and the only thing that I could convince myself was that I didn't care if the gospel was true or not. My life was better for it and I was going to continue living it, and I got on my knees and I prayed and for the first time in my life, I felt nothing. The following morning I got down on my knees, and again I felt nothing, and I was furious, because here I was promising people that if they just reached out to their Heavenly Father he would respond to them, and here I was a missionary, taking the greatest act of faith I can imagine having taken, having left my family and friends, my country, and my language for 1 year and a half just to serve him, and I felt nothing? So I started reading in Third Nephi, mainly because it was personal study, and I was too upset to focus on my investigators, and I read a verse. I can't remember where it was but it said something along the lines of 'I was going to write the words that they said but the Lord forbade it, saying that he wanted to try his children's faith', and I realized these experiences happen so that we can grow, and through a lot more personal study I realized that if we can be strong during these moments of doubt our testimony will become firm and unshakable, so I would just like to share with you all, that I know that this gospel is true, and because it's true does not mean it is easy. If it were easy we wouldn't grow and the whole point of this life would be defeated. You will sacrifice more than you can possibly imagine, by remaining faithful to the gospel of Christ, but every painful step of it is more than worth it. Even if I didn't have the promises of eternal life, the joy I have gained in this life would be worth it.

She also sent several pictures this week! It is so exciting for me to see the growth she is experiencing already and we have only just passed the 90 day mark this week.

These first two are with her first companion and trainer Sorella Baker.

Getting her first in country haircut.

Silly photos are a must.

I am not sure who the other sorella is.

Time for lunch.

So just a quick observation from the mom. She has a beautiful smile, however, she has always been very self conscious of smiling and letting her teeth show. I have very few pictures of her genuinely smiling. I have noticed that so many of her pictures from her mission include smiles where she is showing her teeth. That leads me to believe she is becoming more comfortable with who she is and not worrying as much about what others think. I can see her confidence growing and that makes me really happy. I am grateful she can't see the blog until she gets home. If I brought this up to her, she might start smiling with her mouth closed again. I love the new smile!

P-day's are now on Monday!

Bongiorno,
Transfers came and Sorella Baker and I are still serving here in Siracusa. Sorella KImball is being transferred to a small city outside of Rome, so the days of the Spencer W. Kimball jokes are over. :( At least for now, I have great hopes that we will serve together one day. I don't see myself ever leaving Sicilia, I just fit in here too perfectly so she will have to come back.
This email may not be the best quality, all the other missionaries are in here, and they are being absolutely hilarious which normally would be awesome, but right now is just really distracting. So in Siracusa we have 500 less actives, Sorella Baker and I have been trying to visit them, and we have had a lot of success, but there is only so much we can do. Sister Baker and I were studying together and we were talking about member missionary work and the differences between Georgia, and Idaho. Then Sorella Baker pointed out that if everyone did their visiting and home teaching there wouldn't be any less actives. I have only done visiting teaching in student wards, and honestly I have never been a huge fan. I have always felt like the biggest service my visiting teachers could do, is to let me sleep and vice versa from me to them, but I thought about it a little bit and realized how great of a tool it can be. As I was pondering it, it made me think about Bailey, Amy, or Alisha and how devastated I would be if while I was here in Italy they went through something really difficult, or drifted away, and their visiting teachers didn't reach out to give them the comfort that I couldn't provide from so far away, and 3 of the people that I loved the most would be suffering alone. I realized that everyone has someone who loves them as much as I love Bailey, Amy, and Alisha, and I decided that I would never neglect my visiting teaching ever again. Later while I was talking to Sorella Baker about this we were talking about how the Savior, and our Heavenly Father must feel this same way, but a thousand times more. Our Heavenly Father has these children and he can see them suffering but he can't physically be there to help them, so he assigns the best possible people to bring them comfort, and when they don't it must hurt him so much. After considering this, I can't imagine ever skipping my visiting teaching again. (I'm sure my mom will be really glad to hear that because she is the biggest fan of visiting teaching) Sorry this week has been pretty standard for missionary work. I can't think of anything else to say and I'm way distracted, but I love you all and I'm praying for you every day!

Thanks again to a wonderful mission mom for the photo. I am not going to know what to do since her daughter is transferring out of Mady's apartment.

Giving Mom a Heart Attack!

Caro famiglia e amicizi {Dear Family and ?, I can only assume it is friends, but it won't translate}(not sure if that is the correct spelling, but it's definitely the right words!),
This week has been an absolute adventure, like every other week in this beautiful country. So this really interesting thing happens when you go to a new country, and you put your body under the stress of a new language, and new foods, and new everything. You get really really really sick. So I absolutely hate being sick so I always try to pretend that it's just allergies for about two or three days before I admit that I am actually sick. So day one of my really bad "allergies" we had a permesso appointment. It's the equivalent of a green card. So the four of us gathered together, all of my personal information including my passport, and headed to Ortega. we got there and they told us that the computers were down, so to set up an appointment for the following week. I was not feeling the greatest so I was more than happy to comply, so me, the other four sorelle and all of my personal information started the return trip back to Siracusa. Sometime during this 15 minute walk back home my entire packet of every piece of information proving that I am American, and a missionary, and actually truly Madyline Spencer was separated from me. My companion thinks someone might have grabbed but considering the way I was feeling at this point in time, I think that I missed my bag, while I was trying to put it away. (I wasn't planning on telling this story because I know my mom is already worried enough, but Sorella Haynie is putting it in her blog, so I thought it might get out, and that you all should probably hear my side as well.) {and yes, I was freaking out as I read this because I could totally tell where she was going before she ever got to the point} So we went on our way, cleaned our house, wrote letters, and went to a church activity. As the activity was wrapping up we were discussing the word of wisdom with a member's friend (it wasn't going well) when sweet sweet 3 year old Lorenza comes running into the building screaming c'e la polizia (it's the police!!!) shortly followed by the police asking for a Madyline (Madalayna) not many people know my first name so I didn't respond at first. Then they asked for a Spencer. so I walked over highly concerned because there is very little reason the police would need a sister missionary. They said Signora tu ai tuo passapotrto? (ma'am do you have your passport?), and I responded thinking that it was in the genealogy room, and that I was maybe being deported. Si nella altra stanza una minuto (yes, in the other room, one second) and they said no , signora noi, abbiamo tuo passaporto (no ma'am WE have your passport) then proceeded the most terrifying 15 minutes of my life. Apparently they had found my permesso packet in the street and had seen that it was a blonde haired blue eyed religious American, and assumed that it had something to do with the LDS church, so they decided they would swing by the church and see if a Madyline Spencer was there, which miraculously we were. So while I know my mother is probably panicking at this point in time, it's just a strong testimony that the Lord takes care of his missionaries, even when they aren't being very smart. So instead of being concerned, you should take comfort in this story. {It's no wonder I am loosing sleep over this girl!}

On Tuesday we got a new investigator and two potentials! We taught an english course lesson in the afternoon to a beautiful woman , and afterwords we told her that as missionaries of the church of Jesus Christ we have two purposes. To help bring people unto Christ, and to serve the community, which we do through the English course. We told her that one way that we help people come unto Christ is through prayer, and we taught her how to say a simple prayer, and then we invited her to kneel and say a prayer, and she did! Afterwards we asked her how she felt, and she said happy, and peaceful, so Sorella Lovell invited her to take the lessons, and we have an appointment on Thursday! Then we had corso (class). The way that I plan spiritual thoughts for corso is kind of strange. I choose a theme based on the lesson, and then I study a topic relating to that theme, and I just sort of let the Lord guide me. I know that it sounds unorthodox, but I have had a lot of success. This week our lesson was on renting an apartment, so I decided to contrast our homes now with the homes we will enjoy in our eternal lives, which led me to talk about perfected bodies which seems like a very strange spiritual thought for an english course, but the spirit seemed pretty sure that it was the right message to give so I proceeded. So I gave my spiritual thought on how regardless of how we live this life we will all receive perfected bodies and how great of a blessing this is. Then as I was about to finish I felt prompted to explain that this is only half of the promise that we have been given (I had not prepared this) that if we live righteously and follow the steps outlined by our Savior we can live with our Father in Heaven again, and then I invited anyone who was interested in learning more to stay after and set up an appointment, and two women did. They both took a Book of Mormon, and told me they would read it, and write down any questions they had (I did not ask them to do this.) I have learned that I learn so much more through my personal study, and thus am better able to teach when I really put a lot of effort into my study. If I don't sacrifice I can't teach nearly as well. That is pretty much all that I accomplished this week, but I feel pretty good about it, and I know that when I am healthy, next week will be a lot more productive.
I am also learning that the doctrine is only half of it, the rest is love. I am friends with all of my English course students, they gave me step by step instructions on how to make snails, so if anyone is interested...... I feel so blessed that the Lord has opened my heart this way, and I look forward to the rest of my time in Italy.

{Thanks again to a wonderful mission mom who shared a picture}

So thankful for tender mercies!

I have really been missing Mady this weekend. We always go to the church to watch conference together. I am thankful for the Lord's tender mercies. She was unable to send pictures this week because her camera battery was dead. Late last night I found some pictures of her on the mission blog, and today I received a sweet email from a fellow mission mom who sent a picture and a link to more pictures! I know the Lord is mindful of my needs as well as the needs of my missionary. I am grateful for His watchful eye and extending those tender mercies when I need them the most.

These are of a picnic on the water for P-day.

This is one of the sisters that live with her in the apartment. (the daughter of the wonderful mission mom who was nice enough to send me the picture!) Evidently there is a running joke about their names. They get comments regularly about the prophet Spencer W. Kimball. Sorella Kimball's first name starts with a "W".

And this is a picture of her district.

Personal Letter

Well I didn't get an email from you which is really abnormal and kind of sad, but I'm sure you are busy, and it just slipped your mind. I'm hoping to get one before I sign off. Have you gotten any of my letters yet? I have sent two and I'm hoping they get to you soon!

Sorry the letters haven't been longer. It's really hard as a missionary to talk to your family as much as you would like because we are only supposed to write once a week and also get ready for the following week, which makes it really tough. I'm trying to be better about it and work out systems hopefully it gets better. I really hope that you aren't mad at me, and that's why you haven't written. For the most part I prefer writing to you and Dan via letters because I want to make sure that I can say everything I want to, and if I spent my whole time writing to just you no one else would get any emails at all. So if it seems like other people are getting more attention via email, it's just because I am writing you three page letters, and using my email for people that are less convenient to write. I really love and miss you, and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.

Things are good. The work is alive and well. My companion and I are very different, as were my last companion and I , but I know that this is divinely inspired and the Lord is putting me with the people that I need and who need me. Also I have learned a lot of things from these two girls that I am very grateful for. If I only had companions that were just like me, I wouldn't grow. The food here is a little hard for me to handle sometimes. Mainly the fruits and veggies. Lettuce here makes me the sickest. It would make my stomach hurt sometimes in the states, but it really kills me here. My companion thinks that I have a lettuce intolerance, but I think I just need time to adjust to the food.

The mission president in Georgia does a lot of emergency transfers, President Waddoups is fairly opposed. Is Elder Douglass helping dad? I had a lot of faith in him but dad doesn't seem to be making any progress through him. Maybe the sisters would be better, because they remind him of me? Also did Elder Douglass follow up on that name I sent him? Whichever missionaries you are working with you should encourage them to do an English course for all the Spanish immigrants. We are doing an immersion program so it doesn't matter if we speak the language or not, and I imagine it would be similar for them. They could have a member from the Spanish branch to give a spiritual thought. How is Dad doing by the way? Is he going to therapy?

I am really sorry about Grandma and Grandpa. I don't know what to say but they are in my prayers. I hope everything works out mom. I know that this is hard and that family is important to you. I wish that I could be there to help you, and I wish that Grandma and Grandpa would respond to the gospel. I know that it has been difficult for you not having the family dynamic that you might want, but I just want you to know that I am grateful for you and that I can't wait to get sealed to you. Maybe you could start looking into the details of that.

I forgot to mention that I took photos for dad's birthday and that they are in the drafts folder, but they are in there and there are new ones for this week.

xoxoxox Madyline

Siracusa Week 4

This week like every other week in the mission has been very full of miracles. Earlier this week we had an appointment with a less active named Sorella D'luca. We got her address out of the ward directory and started to look for her house. After about an hour of searching we gave up, and our phone has been acting up so we couldn't call her and let her know what was going on. We were really frustrated as we were leaving her house. However, as we were heading to the church when a man at a plant stand saluted us and told us that our Italian was very good. I have always wanted to stop and look at this plant stand, and the man seemed very friendly so I stopped to thank him for the compliment. As we were talking he told us that he had known another missionary in the past who used to walk past his plant stand all the time, but that the missionary hadn't passed by in a long time. We asked him if he had ever spoken to this missionary, and he said yes. The other missionary had given him a vangello di Gesu Cristo Opuscolo {a brochure about Jesus Christ}and he had read it so many times he probably had it memorized. He told us he liked to read when it was slow at his stand and asked if we had any more opuscoli {brochures}. So we gave him a restoration, and plan of salvation pamphlet, and a Book of Mormon. Then we exchanged numbers and left. The next morning was church and we were having an appointment about meeting with members before general conference, and he walked in to the church. We had given him a genealogy pass a long card and he wanted to know more about it. Later we had an appointment with him where he told us that he had begun to read the Book of Mormon, he isn't a huge fan of Nephi killing Laban, but he is very curious and very receptive. He was also interested in how much the Book of Mormon stresses record keeping, and he wants to know more about genealogy. Later we found out that Sorella D'luca has never lived in the address that is listed in our 5 years old ward directory. So years ago someone made a very inspired mistake.
The English course is going great. I really desperately want my students to come to general conference, and so I have given two spiritual thoughts on conference, and will be giving a third on Thursday. This last Tuesday I brought a picture of Thomas S. Monson and bore a really strong testimony of how blessed we are to have this man acting as a prophet in these latter days. I wanted my testimony to be enough to get them to come, but I wasn't sure that it would be so I told them that it would be in English and Italian to give them a little more incentive to come, but I stressed what a wonderful opportunity it is to receive personal revelation. After class (I teach the advanced huddle) one of my students came up to me and told me he is coming to conference. He is one of my most dedicated English students and I thought it was for the opportunity to practice hearing English, which while not ideal is better than nothing but after he told me that he was coming because I wanted him to come. It was one of the most beautiful moments I have had on the mission so far. I am just saying really really sincere, maybe even desperate prayers that all of the speakers speak very slowly, and very clearly, and that my students can be touched by the spirit.
Another cool thing that we did this week was Jesso. Which is where we take a sheet to a busy piaza and two of us draw the plan of salvation, and two of us distribute pamphlets. I like talking to people a lot, and drawing not very much at all so I drew one cloud and then started passing out pamphlets. As I was grabbing pamphlets a woman stopped me and in English asked if I spoke English (This happens to me all the time because I look so very not Italian. A lot of times I will be speaking to someone in Italian and they will proceed to tell me all the words they know in Italian which for the most part consists of hello, how are you, I love you.) We talked to her for a good 45 minutes and she seemed very interested in Genealogy, and her boyfriend might come to English course!
We are meeting with a lot of ward members to help prepare them for general conference and inviting them to bring a friend (same goes for everyone reading this email :) ) which means that I have eaten a lot of cookies this week. I think we should start hiding them in our bags, but it hasn't happened yet.
I absolutely love Italy, Sicilia especially. The ward is great, and the Lord is preparing us to meet people. As much as everyone told me that Europe was a hard mission and that I wouldnt have a lot of success, the Lord has almost been throwing people at us.
Love and miss you all
Sorella Madyline Spencer