An Unexpected Change of Scenery

Ok so keeping with my theme of not hiding the difficult parts of a mission, and also because those who have served missions will understand pieces of what's going on and realize that something happened, I will just come out and keep everyone posted instead of letting you all jump to your own conclusions which are probably worse than what is actually happening.

So as many of you, (probably anyone that has ever spoken to me actually) know I struggle a little bit with anxiety. Loud noises, and anything unexpected have the tendency to really startle me. This anxiety is occasionally accompanied with a mild panic attack. Knowing that the stress of a mission could very well escalate this problem I went to see a doctor about regulating it, and she prescribed me a very very mild anti anxiety pill which I have been religiously taking for a few months now. Under normal circumstances this would have been more than enough to correct the problem, however, every now and again this type of medication can have an opposite effect. Apparently my body has an opposite reaction to pills that are supposed to be mood regulators. For example when I had my wisdom teeth removed and I was given laughing gas, instead of becoming giggly and care free I started to sob uncontrollably So the pill that I was taking to prevent panic attacks was causing panic attacks more severe than I ever have had before. This week I had one that was particularly bad, so my companion called the president and he made the decision to transfer me. So I got on a plane and went to Rome.

When I arrived in Rome I had an hour appointment with the mission doctor, who caught the problem, addressed it (I am going half dose this week, and then coming completely off next) and cleared me to go back to Siracusa, BUT through this experience president had spent a lot of time praying about where I should be, if I should be sent home, or transferred to a state side mission, or to a different part of Italy, and at first the only strong revelation he received was that my purpose was fulfilled in Siracusa and I was not to go back. So after to being cleared to return to Siracusa, president told me that he wasn't sure where to put me, just that it wasn't in Siracusa. So I spent the next day with a companionship in Rome 1. President eventually decided that I would be staying in Rome serving with Sorella Fossa who is from Milano. So here I am sitting at an internet point in the middle of Rome, and the last place on earth (well in Italy) that I expected to be.

It has been a really difficult situation. I cried more leaving Sicilia, than I did leaving America, but I can see now why this is where I am supposed to be. There were about 4 variables that led to me having these panic attacks, and if just one variable had been different I wouldn't have struggled with this at all, but they did and here I am. Also I already have a love for Rome and as much as I love Siracusa I can't imagine leaving here. I know this is where the Lord wants me to be. I can feel it. I wish that he had done it the more orthodox way through transfers, but maybe I, or someone else who was affected through this had something they needed to learn.

In fun happy news, one cool thing about leaving your "birth city" is that people stop looking at you as a greenie. Instead of going up to my companion to talk or fix appointments, because they assume I can't speak they come up to me! I even translated yesterday! It was rough. I finally decided that if I wasn't saying anything doctrinally incorrect, and that I was following the basic topic of the lesson, that I would make stuff up. There is a senior sister missionary in our ward who has agreed to let me practice on her until I get better.

So in summary there was a little bit of craziness this week but I am doing well and getting better.

Con amore,

Sorella Madyline Spencer

I found a picture of her on the mission blog. It isn't much, but I was happy to see her! (She is the blond to the right of the picture of the Savior.)

I just received another picture from an awesome mission mom! You know who you are. Thanks again for always coming through for me.